Wednesday, July 30, 2008

One of those weeks

You know those weeks where it seems like everyone waited to all take a dump on your life at the same time? This is one of those weeks.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Obsessed

I hate that word, I really do. I hate it and everything that comes to mind with it, but that seems to be a word that would accurately describe me these days. But being aware of my obsession I guess that gives me some control over it. It's not like I have some shrine were I worship her. I don't carve her name into my arm. It's more of a subconcioous thing. I think about her all the time, especially when I don't want to, and if I can manage to go a whole day without, that night I'll have some sort of dream with a special guest appearance. Let me tell you it's a really pain in the ass. It's not something I want to have but it's there, and trying to ignore it makes it worse. Sometimes I feel like there must be some kind of reason for it, like we still have some sort of connection. Crackpot theory I know. I think it just comes down to me having an obsession. You know I really hate that word

Sunday, July 13, 2008

In hopes to get over it already

That girl you see in the picture below goes by the name of Heidi Price, and I was in love with her. Then again I suppose if I am doing this then there is a strong possibility that I still am. Now many people reading this may be thinking to themselves, "But Corey, you are but of the young and tender age of seventeen, so of course it would be impossible for you know to know the meaning of this thing you call love." And to those of you I say, "How do you know?" Care to rebuttal?

The fact of the matter is, I was/am. There have been a few other girls I have told that too, but I was very mistaken. Until the summer of '07 I had no idea. I think it would be better for me to start from the beginning, and when it comes to Heidi I have a very vivid memory.

It all started the night of July third. At the time I was still working at KFC and my buddy Steven from work and I went to see the midnight premiere of transformers (after reading this yoiu'll know why transformers is still my favorite movie). He brought his girlfriend Cassie, and she brought her friend, Heidi. We started by getting ice cream and I couldn't help but notice how unbearably cute Heidi was, but I didn't want to come on too strong so I made light conversation for the most part. Later inside the theater I introduced her to ska and the form of dancing known as skanking (ask me later) After thoroughly embarrassing myself we entered the theater now accompanied by Graham (a creeper from work) and Andy and his wife (Andy being a former asst. manager at KFC) Heidi chose to sit next to me rather than Cassie and we continued listening to ska and watching Dane Cook specials on my iPOD until the movie started. About half an hour into the movie I couldn't help but notice that her hand was unprotected from the elements simply sitting on her thigh, and I couldn't just let it sit there could I? So of course I grabbed her hand and there we sat for the rest of the flick. Later I got her number and I told her how I was leaving in two days to go to Virginia for a month to see my dad, so we decided we needed to have a date before I left. The next day we went and saw 1408, a good scary movie to encourage cuddling, which we did gratuitously. We hence left for my house where we did so much cuddling I'm not even sure what movie we were watching, and of course came the climatic moment where we kissed for the first time, and I usually don't kiss on the first date, but it seemed necessary in such dire time. We promised not to forget eachother and the next day I left for Virginia with a heavy heart. Not a night went by we didn't talk for at least three hours. It was a very quick month, or a least I can't remember anything that didn't involve Heidi.

From this point I will only be mentioning the big stuff that happened to save time. After I returned we spent as much time together as possible, as much as her parents disliked it. We went to the Reel Big Fish concert together. There we danced, cuddled, and for literally the entire time that Less Than Jake played, we kissed outside salt air on a big rock near the lake.

Then came the night that I knew. I believe we were watching Donnie Darko, and she was quite tired from cheer practice (did I mention she was the captain of the cheerleaders at her high school?) and about half way through the movie she fell asleep on me (I love when that happens) so I picked her up and carried her to my bed. For a couple minutes I just sort of... watched her sleep. Not in a creepy way or anything, she was just so adorable the way she slept there. And of course with all my staring she woke up, looked me right in the eyes, and made that face as shown in the picture below: that face could get me to do anything. Then after being very cute for a long period of time she gave me a big ol' kiss and plopped her head right on the chest the way I like and fell right back to sleep, and that's when I knew I was in love with her.

See with Heidi, unlike so many other girls I've dated, it wasn't about what we did when we were together (if you know what I mean) it was just the fact that we were together that made me happy. Even though she was a cheerleader, she was the nicest most unselfish girl you would ever meet, and even though she was extremely attractive, she was incredibly humble. It was things like that which I loved. It was the way she covered her mouth when she ate so I couldn't see the gross way she thought she chewed her food. It was all those little tiny things about her that I loved.

Now of course it had to come to and end, it couldn't possibly stay that perfect forever. Honestly I'm still not sure why she broke up with me or if there was anything that I could have done but I wouldn't trade it for the world. If I could go back and time and relive those months again, only to have her hurt me again, I would over and over and over. The joy she gave me greatly out weighed the pain, and to this day I still find her stuck on my mind. My only hope is to find a girl that I care for half as much as I did for her.

And the subject of my first two posts is...

Need I expound any further?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Three Simple Words

I’ve got three simple words
With powerful meaning
Three simple words to give to you
Three simple words
Unwieldy in discussion
Three simple words…

I’ve got three simple words
With lovely inspiration
Three simple words I owe to you
Three simple words
Stirred up by beauty
Three simple words, I love you

[Chorus]

I’ve got three simple words
With a smile and devotion
Three simple words I offer you
Three simple words
Cast with adoration
Three Simple words, I love you

[Chorus]
My dear it hasn’t been long
But I need to sing this song
To tell you how I feel for you
My feelings cannot stay
Locked up inside this way
I simply have to say I love you

[Repeat First Verse]

Sunday, June 8, 2008

First Love Revisited

I follow the lines in the dark
My eyes watch them with no particular interest
Icy and robotic I follow the lines
Illuminated by a thick sheet of yellow
The lights return me to my home

I sit in silence
Only accompanied by the engine hum
The precise turns of the wheel makes me sway
I have no particular interest in the motion
The sound guides me home

I hear the words
In my head the words beg for release
But I remain in silence
I take in the silence all around
The silence fills my home

I enter my home
It is early and dark
But I do not fear the dark
For without love there is nothing to fear
Home is where my love should be

First love
Unrequited but pure
No other love can be the same
Others my try in vain
My love will never be home

As I lay I hear a voice
A voice of a long lost past
A past full of love
A past full of fear
The fear my love shall leave

The memory
The memory of the discovery of love
It flashes repeatedly across my eyes
The eyes of my heart and soul
My heart devoted to a love

The love
Constant and indescribable joy
The loss
Sorrow in a similar manner
Time passes but the love does not

The tears
They are forced from my heart and soul
My body no longer bares the stress
But it bends to the will of the soul
Until nothing of it remains